Recently, I made the decision to start working with a new therapist.
It was time for me to make a change (which is always a completely fair and valid thing to do for any reason whatsoever) and did some research and found a person that I thought could be a good fit.
Turns out, I was wrong.
Almost immediately, I could see that this was not going to be a client-centered experience.
The therapist sat down, grabbed her clipboard, and jumped into a speech about her single-modality approach to trauma therapy.
It was basically,
"this is how I do it, take it or leave it."
You can guess which option I took.
That kind of rigid approach simply won't work for me. (Would it even work for anyone who has been through complex trauma?)
I need a therapist who is focused on the principles of client-centered therapy.
I need someone who is willing to listen, I mean really listen to me explain where I've come from, how I feel, and why I am the way I am.
I need a person that will fully respect the fact that I am the one that has been living in this body for several decades and will deeply listen to my experiences, stories, and perspectives.
Of course I have blind spots and a shadow side (every human does),
but
I'm willing to do the work
and
I need a therapist that has the skill, knowledge, and wisdom to know and admit that they don't always know exactly the right way to move forward, but are willing to do the gentle, collaborative work with me as we take baby steps to explore together.
I need a therapist that has the skill, knowledge, and wisdom to know and admit that they don't always know exactly the right way to move forward, but are willing to do the gentle, collaborative work with me as we take baby steps to explore together.
I need a therapist that has so many tools in their belt, that they can easily pivot and regroup when needed.
And most of all,
I need a therapist
who won't minimize my complex reality
with a one-size-fits-all approach that will only
add
to
my
trauma.
Dear therapists out there,
Your first job in your first session with a new client is to radically and ever-so-gently listen and validate the hell out of your client's pain and assure them that, together, you will work through a plan that you are both comfortable with.
This is your first job.
and
Dear trauma survivors out there,
Your job is to feel free to walk away from any therapist who can't or won't give you the kind of care you desire and deserve. You don't have to stay in places that don't serve you and your healing process.
Full stop. :)
Here's to healing and hope and deciding what therapist will work best for ME! (Which may actually look like taking a break from therapy for a while.)
We got this!
Love,
Julia
I just want to say that I know that not everyone has access to good therapy, which is why I will always support systems and people who are doing the good hard work to help all people get access to the support they need. If you are unable to get help at this time, please find as many free resources as you can and love the hell out of yourself.
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