My husband and I were driving around yesterday and he asked me what the concept of healing even means to me at this point. It surprised me that I couldn't come up with a clear answer for him in the moment and I found myself kind of stumbling over my words.
Why is it so hard for me to define what it means to heal?
Is it because I was taught that prayer and positive thinking would do the job, only to find out that it's much more complicated than that?
Is it because we live in a culture filled with pop psychology "experts" that flood our social media that offer over-simplified, sugar-coated platitudes that don't really deliver?
Is it because we all so desperately want there to be some kind of simple solution and arrival process we can hold on to when the realities of life unexpectedly show up at our door?
For me, I think it's all of the above.
I was conditioned to believe that healing is simple.
Do these ten steps and you will be healed.
No big deal.
But I have since come to believe that healing is anything but simple.
I now see it as more of a multifaceted, multi-dimensional lifestyle approach that will never end as long as I live.
I no longer see healing as a destination, but a life-long process of caretaking, much like gardening: a continual work of careful planning, planting, nurturing, and harvesting that includes a healthy dose of learning and experimentation.
I no longer see healing as a destination, but a life-long process of caretaking, much like gardening: a continual work of careful planning, planting, nurturing, and harvesting that includes a healthy dose of learning and experimentation.
In other words,
not easy,
not quick,
and not simple.
This is the work of being human.
For me right now, healing looks like consistently practicing and coming back to the tools that work for me.
Things like:
self-advocacy and boundary-setting
self-care, comfort, and rest
journaling
gentle movement
crying (when I need to)
music (calm and gentle music as well as music that names and validates the pain)
slow living
mindfulness
trauma-sensitive meditation
gentle learning (carefully curated trauma-informed content and information)
radical self-compassion
emotional regulation (with a healthy dose of intentional self-soothing and processing)
cultivating beauty and joy
practicing honest appreciation and gratitude
facing reality
intentional creativity
talk therapy (I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for me)
gently exploring fun and play
authentic connections with people who have my back
compassionately reframing and rewiring my brain
grounding
letting go of hustle and achievement culture
letting go of perfectionism
tuning out the noise
spending time in beautiful, restful, and comforting spaces
These are just some of the things that work for me right now, but I don't consider any of them to be quick fixes or steps to a high level of healed bliss or gold-star achievement. They are more like tools in my ongoing quest to cultivate a life of peace, meaning, purpose, connection, authenticity, and joy.
No destination,
only life.
A holistic experience that is constantly changing and evolving.
Author Laura E. Anderson in her book "When Religion Hurts You" said it so well -
"I began to wonder if my definition of healing was limiting the process. I wondered if being healed was not a fixed point that I would arrive at one day, where I could put a period at the end of a sentence and say, "There! I am done healing." Instead, I wondered if healing could be an ongoing and dynamic process that was multidimensional and included small moments of change and awareness."
That's how I see it now - and ongoing process with small moments of change and awareness.
Feels much lighter to me, which actually kind of makes it more simple in a way.
At least the quest for a finish line is no longer a constant stress for me anymore.
Here's to healing and hope!
We got this!
Love,
Julia
As a side note: I want to recognize that it is a privilege to even have the resources to be able to cultivate a healing lifestyle, which is why I will continue to support organizations and people who are doing the work to get basic needs met for all people. I will always stand for a society that takes care of its most vulnerable population.
"The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members."
- Ghandi
If you are unable to find resources at this time, please look for free, quality content online that is created by licensed mental health professionals who are operating within a clear set of ethics based on evidence-based research. Please also seek for assistance from your local organizations that are helping those in need. I see you. Sending so much love.
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