Several years ago, I found myself navigating a complicated chronic health situation that influenced every single aspect of my life.
I was constantly trying to somehow find relief from the relentless pain and bodily chaos doctors couldn't make any sense of and I wondered how I would ever rid myself of the unwelcome companion I now call
the "choice thief."
During that time, my ability to make choices was incredibly limited. Yes, I did have some choice, but it was minimal.
It was down to basically, "how am I going to get myself to the bathroom today and which doctor am I going to lose another couple hundred dollars to?"
As I reluctantly tried to face this harsh reality, words like "choose joy" and "you are what you think" would pop up and taunt me with their cruelty.
How in the world was I going to choose something as "frivolous" as joy when I didn't even want to live anymore?
This kind of language is the last thing you need when you are in survival mode and is why I will always support systems and people who are working to help people in this place.
But, the reality is that nothing stays the same forever and our ability to make choices fluctuates. Because of this, we have to somehow manage to stay awake as the windows of choice change and evolve with the passage of time.
...we have to somehow manage to stay awake as the windows of choice change and evolve with the passage of time.
I have personally found this fact of life to be challenging at times and I think all we can really do is stay curious and ask ourselves questions.
What can I choose today?
What is in my control right now?
In what ways can I access my ability to choose in this moment?
How can I navigate my thoughts, emotions, and experiences this day and in a way that is real and honest, but also hopeful and regenerating?
It's not always easy for me and I have to consistently remind myself to get quiet and tune in to the rhythm of each day
and
it's
own
little
world
of
unknown.
Here's to healing and hope!
We got this!
Love,
Julia
Sending so much love to anyone in survival mode right now. I see you. Please take gentle care of yourself.
Comments