How the Law of Attraction Messed Me Up

I found myself on a Reddit thread today with a group of people who are doing the good, hard work of healing their lives. These are people who have been through some very difficult things and are trying to make sense of it all and move forward. The topic of the law of attraction came up and sparked quite the heated debate. Apparently, some of these people have found the concepts to be helpful, while others have found them to be harmful.

I'm not here to invalidate another person's experience, but I would like to add my voice to those who have felt harmed by this belief system.

I first heard about the concept of the law of attraction when I was in the thick of my decade-long chronic Lyme disease chapter. This was my hell-on-earth era and I still cry sometimes when I think about it. I had no idea that type of pain could go on for so long without any help or answers. It was brutal. My heart truly breaks for anyone who has to go through it.

During that time, I was desperate for answers and help. I did everything I possibly could to heal, get better, and rise up out of that dark pit. I didn't care if it was or wasn't backed by any kind of tangible, rational evidence and I was more than happy to jump in on any kind of woo or magical thinking if it meant I would get better. So I did all the things. For a LONG time. We're not talking a casual toe-dipping situation. It was a full blown, immerse myself in all things woo. I read all the books, watched all the videos, listened to all the podcasts, visited all the "healers," and followed all the checklists written by the gurus that promised me that the universe really did have my back and that if I just vibrated correctly, I would be healed and living my dream life in no time.

Well, that's not what happened.

At all.

In fact, what actually happened was that I got more and more depressed because I wasn't getting better despite my best efforts.

What was wrong with me?

Why wasn't my body cooperating?

Why wasn't I getting the results I was promised?

Why were other people living their dream lives while I was crawling to the bathroom?

It all became way too much for me to manage. It didn't make any sense for me and my actual lived experience simply did not align with the concepts.

So, I finally had to let it go.

I stopped thinking about it.

I stopped the never-ending spiraling thoughts about manifestation and good vibes only.

I stopped blaming myself for my illness.

I accepted that life just happens sometimes.

I decided to practice radical self-compassion and my nervous system finally thanked me for it.

I began to lightly tap into a more simple form of mental framing that was really just the serenity prayer:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

I then began to look more closely at my reality.

I placed my attention on more practical and pragmatic healing principles offered by licensed professionals who were educated on childhood, religious, and medical traumas.

I did the work of healing without all the victim-blaming and self-shaming.

Healing wasn't immediate and definitely not perfect, but it was more calm and effective for me.

My mind finally felt restful as I accepted the fact that there are some things I can control and some things I can't.

It was a game-changing mental pivot for me.

Now, I can confidently say that the ideas in the law of attraction messed me up.

Nothing good came from it for me.

Sure, there are some good concepts in there, but I now see those few good things as basic universal principles of healing and growth. I don't need the extra dose of magical thinking that can feel way too much like blame and shame for me.

I realize there are people who see it differently and that's ok.

We all see life through a different lens.

I'm just glad I was willing to change my view when I personally needed it the most.

Here's to healing with a healthy dose of honesty and radical self-compassion!

We got this!

Love,

Julia

By the way, if it turns out there is some kind of truth to this belief system, it doesn't really matter anyway, because it's a mindset that just does not work for me. I personally do much better with proven principles of psychology. If it works for you, then cool. :)